Wednesday, January 15, 2020

My Mother's Death

My mother passed away on January 7, 2020. It's a complicated loss, but I have received so many messages of support and prayers, I feel held in love. This has helped me sit with the grief as it arises.

What I've realized is that my grief is rooted in the sadness of knowing I could not save my mother from her constant underlying anger and deep unhappiness. I've known this for a long time, but I've discovered that some forever-young part of my being had not quite given up- because children often don't give up. They keep trying and hoping. As a child I would have done anything to save her. And I tried endlessly.

And now. . . . now, I hope and pray she is free of the unhappiness and the rage. I hope she is deeply at peace. I do not want her to suffer. And I want the young part of me that danced as fast as she could in the hopes of making her mother smile- I want her to feel her mother is at last, free.. ~Oriah

This photo of a sun pillar at sunset by Karen Davis at Open Door Dreaming felt appropriate- a soul-light flaring before it disappears from view,