Learning When To Let Go

Sometimes, even when we make a choice that is good for us, good for our life, perhaps even good for others, there can still be loss and grief.

Recently, I let go of someone, quietly stepped away from a friendship. I told the truth, told them I simply did not have the energy for what was happening between us, or would have to happen- need to be talked about, sorted out, resolved, agreed to- for the friendship to continue in a real and authentic way,

It was the right choice. I really don't have the energy to bridge the chasm that had opened up around behaviour that was, to me, inexplicable. I don't think the behaviour was intended to be hurtful. It was an expression of something that was probably true for the other on some level. Although it was directed at me, I don't think it was really about me at all.

And I could be wrong about all of that. Maybe the behaviour made perfect sense, and maybe it was about me, I can't really know for sure. But I did know that the distance it created would need to be bridged for continued connection.

One of the gifts of having had a chronic illness for many years is that I know how much energy things take and whether or not that energy is available to me in the present. It took me longer than I'd like to admit to heed this knowing, to accept when I cannot do something without consequences for my health and to the detriment of other areas of my life that feed my heart and soul.

But knowing when I can't do something, knowing when I need to step away, doesn't mean I don't feel the loss. I do.

When I was younger, to remove myself I had to make the other wrong, had to churn up anger and muddy my memories with reminders of real and imagined slights and hurts. Of course, the downside of not needing to do this, of simply knowing when it is time to step away even as I appreciate the places where we've touched each other, shared laughter, offered support in the past.. . . . is that the loss is felt fully- an ache I meet with prayers for the other, hopes for their happiness and well-being.

Learning to let go when the time is right. Knowing what we really can and can't do and accepting this. Being willing to take responsibility for our choices. Telling the truth. Not needing to make the other wrong. Feeling the loss, letting the sadness that arises keep the heart soft when the other comes to mind. Being willing to feel it all. Knowing that the future is unpredictable.

I am so grateful for the connection that was, and I feel blessed to have let go when the time was right.

Not easy. Not excruciating. Just life as a human being.

~Oriah House (c) 2014