This week I had a chance to consider letting go in a new light. I've written before about how I rarely find the admonishment to "let go" helpful when I'm hanging on by my finger tips, even when I can see that what I am hanging on to is not particularly useful. I have found the inner directive to "let it be" somewhat more fruitful in helping me loosen a desperate grasp and rest in what is.
Letting go of beliefs or mental/emotional preoccupations that are causing suffering isn't so much an intellectual decision (oh that it was- most of us can see when it's not doing us any good!) If we believe it is we'll probably bury what we think we "should" let go of in our unconscious- and that only makes matters worse. Now we're hanging on, but we aren't consciously aware of hanging, so how could we possibly let go? Not a step in the right direction.
At the beginning of a yoga class last week, the instructor urged us to rest deeply while laying on the floor. And then she said, "Make sure you have what you need to lay on the floor comfortably- because your muscles can't let go if you're uncomfortable, if the way you are laying down is causing strain. If you can find a comfortable way to be here, your body can let go much more deeply."
And something in my brain lit up as I thought, "Oooooo, what would that look like when we need to let go mentally or emotionally? What might help us find a supported position emotionally or mentally from which we could more easily and deeply let go of preoccupations that are causing us suffering?
The first things that came to my mind were tenderness and mercy. When I slip into the feeling of tenderness, of holding my own or another's thoughts and emotions without judgement but with a sense of real caring, I am more comfortable with whatever arises- and I can let go of those thoughts or emotions more easily, allow them to rise and fall, to appear and pass away. It is, strangely, the very act of judging and tightening against what arises that makes it hard to let go.
We often think that trying harder will get us where we want to go. And sometimes, it does. But in the letting-go-endeavours- whether physical, mental or emotional- finding an inner or outer place where we can rest comfortably with what is, is much more likely to help us truly let go where we may have been unintentionally holding on.
Oriah House (c) 2014
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Simple and profound, all at once. Thank you for sharing these words today... I needed to read this.
ReplyDeleteThank you Titanium- love when these little bits of useful knowledge pop up in our day unexpectedly :-)
DeleteAmazingly, my mantra for the past couple of days has been "let go" after I read "The Untethered Soul" so your post is SO synchronistic! I just read something online that infuriated me and I typed out an angry response and then thought "let go" and I deleted it. I love your "let it be" response.
ReplyDeleteAmy, I cannot tell you how many responses I write and delete. Yes- let it go. :-)
DeleteThanks always for your insight. I come to this place often and find great inspiration here.
DeleteThere are times when our letting go can seem self serving, however good for us. Do you have any suggestions on 'getting over' the 'letting go'?
Peace
Well, it seems to me that in every instance where are not able to really get past something (which I think is what you mean by getting over) there is something we need to let go- disappointment, hurt, anger, wishing it was different etc. Now, here's the tricky part- we may not be letting go and so able to move past something because we have not give it it's due- have not let the grief take us into full body crying; have not felt the fullness of the disappointment and stayed with it so it can change into acceptance. In this culture where being with something fully is likely to be labelled "wallowing" (and there is no real way to use that word without judgement,) and where we understandably shy away from feeling painful feelings. . . this can be a hard thing to do. But I think here of situations of deep grief- like the loss of a child. Those I know who have lived full rich lives after the loss of a son or daughter did so, not so much by trying to get pas or overt it, as by embracing it fully- knowing that this loss would always be part of them and their lives, an aspect that might- if they could find the courage to feel it- keep their hearts open to themselves and others. It isn't that they go around talking about nothing else, or that they feel only deep anguish- but when those feels arise they are bittersweet, mixed with the love and joy they felt for their child, talked about freely, held tenderly.
DeleteI wholeheartedly agree with your example of grieving and letting go. My younger brother of just 49 years past away four weeks ago after a two year battle with cancer. The bittersweet elation of letting go, moreso of assisting him on his journey to the other side was simply miraculous. On another note, I have been contemplating "letting go" of a relationship with my father due to his "wallowing" in self indulgence and pity. He is elderly and has noone to care for him. So I am somewhat confused by the notion of letting go of this abusive relationship for self preservation. I don't feel I can be the best I can be with this powerful influence-hence my question of letting go free of guilt.
DeleteI am so sorry for the loss of your brother- I am glad you were able to be there with and for him- it sounds like it gave you something also.
DeleteIf your relationship with your father is doing you harm, you may have no choice but to step back. I am not sure that it is necessary to pass judgement on the other's behaviour (ie whether or not it is wallowing- although I do get the impulse to want to understand what is happening- but the truth is we really don't know what's going on inside another) in order to discern that the interaction is harmful to us. In these cases it seems to be less about letting go of the other than letting go of our own beliefs about what we "should" do- and dealing with the situation as it is- asking how we can be of service (if we can) without putting ourselves at risk.