Wrestling With Gratitude

When I was a child gratitude was used as a "should" to counter any desire or discontent. When my brother or I expressed wanting to have or do something, we were told we should be grateful for the things and opportunities we had. When I did not want to eat one more mouthful of soggy, overcooked, pale green canned peas, I was told to think of the children in the world who did not have enough to eat, and eat my peas with gratitude. And later, as a teenager, if I shared my hopes for changes I wanted to see in our community (eg- equal rights for women and people of colour etc.) I was told I should be grateful I lived in Canada.

Oddly, I don't remember gratitude being mentioned much at all except when it was being used in prayers recited by rote or as a way to silence the expression of preferences, desires and dreams.

This is no doubt why I've always been a little leery of gratitude practices, although I express gratitude where it arises spontaneously (and it does so often.) I suppose this early conditioning suggested to me that I could not simultaneously be grateful for what is and still have hopes and dreams for myself and the world. I did try to deliberately counter this with my sons when they were young by having us do a practice of sharing three prayers before their bedtime: one for something in our day for which we were grateful; one for someone else in our thoughts and hearts; and one request for something with which we needed help.

But the early years of having gratitude used to squash expressions of desire have taken their toll, and I can still get a little testy when someone starts talking about how we "should" be grateful. 

Still, one practice intrigues- the idea of writing down something each day for which you are grateful (not something you "should" be grateful for, but simply noticing somewhere you are grateful) that you have never been grateful for before.

It's the last part that intrigues me because it makes me pay attention to the constant stream of the small (and often unexpected) things that bring me joy each day. So, how about it? Will you share one thing from the past week for which you are grateful, that you have not been consciously grateful for before? They don't have to be Big Things. In fact, unlike the things for which we are regularly grateful (friends, family, work, home etc.) they are likely to be smaller, unique moments (which is why they are stirring new gratitude.)

I'll start (and two come to mind):

- I am grateful to the person who put a container of organic lavendar handcream in the yoga studio bathroom. I've thought of doing so often (the winter weather continues and my skin is like sandpaper after washing my hands) but kept forgetting.

- I am grateful for the new doctor I met. Young (honestly she looked barely 30) she was truly like a breath of fresh air: present, talking with (not at) me, clear and so sane about potential risks and benefits of treatment choices, and the fact that it was me who would ultimately make choices about my health care. Knowledgeable, she gave me all the latest information and talked about options with a clear understanding that medicine is as much art as science and as unpredictable as anything else in life.

The thing about this practice is that it dove-tails with last week's blog re: looking with fresh eyes. Noticing where gratitude arises in new places encourages us to bring fresh eyes to what is happening and stirs our dreams for all that is possible.

Oriah (c) 2013