Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Rediscovering Joy in Work

In hindsight I often marvel at how little I know about where I am going or how to get there and yet, somehow, am guided in what I need to do.

I was having trouble deciding on the nature of the “retreat” time I’d set aside- two weeks starting at the end of July. I’d booked a small cottage in the woods northeast of Toronto- a lovely spot on a river too small for motorized watercraft, without a phone or an internet connection. Very private and very quiet. But was I going for a holiday, for rest and relaxation, or to work on my writing, or primarily to do ceremony that required solitude? I couldn’t decide. I felt like I needed all three.

As I packed up some novels (to serve the holiday option) the Grandmothers (who often appear in my dreams and less frequently insert guidance when I meditate or as I walk through my day) repeatedly mentioned six other, somewhat heavy-duty books on brain science and psychology. I resisted. I’d read three of these books. One was a wonderful but complex Jungian take on the effects of early trauma on psyche. Rereading it was about as far away from rest and relaxation as I could imagine. I thought I’d compromise- take four novels and a couple of those “suggested,” but when one of the latter literally “fell” off the shelf- twice- I gave up and stuck them all in a bag, muttering to myself, “Okay, okay. I get it. I’m taking them all.”

What followed was two weeks of study and writing for twelve to fifteen hours a day. I was. . . compelled. . . fascinated. . . . moved to read, take detailed notes and then write my own reflections and stories as they came. Although I had my laptop with me, I was surprisingly drawn to write mostly by hand, filling five journals and, for the first time in my life, having to soak my hand in warm water at night to ease muscle spasms from non-stop scribbling.

I also swam in the river, did my daily practise sitting on the earth beneath the trees, recorded my dreams, (which were clearly the bridge between what I was reading and what I was writing as part of the new book on choice) and prepared and ate great meals. But mostly, I was learning and writing, reading and contemplating from five in the morning until nine at night.

And I felt great! What I remembered was how much I love to work, how much I enjoy learning and letting the fire of creativity and ideas and stories take me where they want me to go. For the last five years of my marriage it was all I could do to take care of cleaning, cooking, laundry, gardening etc. in between collapsing in bed ill. This- this feeling of being on fire with the desire to learn and write, to dream and work- had not been with me for years.

Each night as I lay in bed, listening to the owls calling to each other in the forest around me, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for this rediscovery of the joy of doing work I love. I came home happy and eager to continue, ready to read and write and learn more, with enthusiasm. (Enthusiasm- en-theos- filled with/possessed by the divine/Spirit.) Sometimes, if we can let go of "deciding" what something should or could or ought to be, the impulse that comes from deep within will guide us to the home we are longing to revisit.

In the end, all my dithering to figure out what I my intention was for the retreat time, gave way to that which called to me. Was it a holiday (holy-day), time to work on the book, or a ceremonial time of solitude? Yes. 

Oriah (c) 2012

10 comments:

  1. Oriah,

    Thank you for your post. My husband and I will be staying at a Monastery for the first time in a few weeks, and we are asked to follow the monk's schedule - which means 5 am to 9 pm days. In spite of my personality thinking we're nuts and the schedule (plus probably extreme heat) being WAY outside of my comfort zone, I have a deep calm about it as I know my soul made the choice to go. Your post helps me to keep the faith and strengthen trust in my decision to take on new challenges that spirit is nudging me towards while my ego/personality self is still questioning and running to catch up.

    Sallie

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    1. Sallie, well it has been said by some who know me well that I have a "monastic personality," and I suppose it is true- there I was alone, with no outside obligations getting up at 5 and going to be at 9. It does suit a certain kind of inner work wonderfully. May your time be rich and fruitful :-)

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    2. I too have a "monastic personality" and reading this post made me feel less bizarre and less totally out-of-step with the rest of the world. Studying as you did and writing all day long with no responsibilities except for self-care would be heaven on earth to me, more attractive than the most lavish vacation. Thank you, Oriah.

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  2. There's a first time for everything I guess (soaking your hand haha). But wow, what a treat to find the creative spirit and run with it. Or rather, to be found BY the creative spirit. It already knew your intention before you ever put it into words :). It seems the retreat was more about 'being' than 'doing' anyway. But your doing evolved from a much deeper, more intentional place. Looking forward to reading your book :)

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  3. Hi Oriah :

    I'm a huge fan of yours and have used your techniques in What We Ache For to write my own book. I would love to send you the ebook to get an endorsement for the book flap. It would make my heart sing to have your presence on the project. Thank you for the consideration. More information on the book can be found here: www.indiegogo/artofattention and more information on me is here: www. jagoyoga.com

    With much respect,
    Erica

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    1. Erica, first- congratulations on writing the book and I am deeply honoured that What We Ache For was helpful.

      I cannot promise anything on the endorsement front (there are currently a pile of manuscripts sitting in my inbox and on my floor)- I try not to read too much when I am focused on writing- the above story being the exception and not the rule) but would welcome the ebook so long as you know that I may not get to it in a timely manner :-) Just email the ebook to mail@oriah.org

      May your book arrive in the hands of all those for whom it offers support and inspiration :-)

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  4. Oriah, it's funny you speak in this post about being drawn to write longhand, and soaking your hands at night to ease cramping. I was thinking of you just last weekend when I came across a beautifully written blog post called the Delight of Handwriting. The author focuses on her love of fountain pens, and how words written on paper feel more real; more "firmly rooted in soil." It truly is a poetic piece of writing, and has inspired hundreds of comments in the last week and a half, from people who it to writing on a keyboard, and each inspire different thought processes. Some speak of their favorite pens. Did you know that calligraphy is taught in London schools? I didn't!

    Anyway, if you have 5 minutes, I strongly recommend it -- I am quite certain you'd enjoy reading it. Here's the link:

    http://scribedoll.wordpress.com/2012/08/12/the-delight-of-hand-writing/

    Thank you for this post. It's inspiring!

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    1. Jessica, thanks for the link. Funny, I often start book writing by hand but usually switch to the keyboard when my hand can't keep up with what is coming. Did a little of that on retreat but really wanted to keep doing it by hand- kept the flow seamless.

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  5. Oh my! I just wrote a big reply. LOL. Gone. I wanted to say that I totally relate to the idea of somehow setting goals for "our" days, whether they be holy-days, or weekends or even busy days, and having them knocked up by other influences. It seems like it is some kind of guilt that we must fill, and that we must plan, and that there is a big part of living that has to do with a plan. I have two days clear every week and lately I've been trying to open myself to me, to being mindful of the desire of the moment. I generally try not to go anywhere, or fill my time with chores that could be shared with my family, and I'm trying to tell myself that these days can be explored, and studied in and of themselves, and it doesn't matter what I accomplish. It's actually harder than developing a plan and kicking myself for failing. Har. Anyway, I don't know how I missed last weeks blog. I've not missed a Wednesday reading for a long time. Since, I'm taking Monday and Tuesday more and more for this exploration, then Wednesday actually fills with the things to do...the preparations of living that other life. <3 <3 <3

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    1. Amanda,"It's actually harder than developing a plan and kicking myself for failing." Isn't it amazing how true that is! :-)

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