Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Getting Here from There

I write from where I am, as truthfully as I can- although I don’t always share everything I write (that sound you hear is a collective sigh of relief from my sons and ex-husbands.) Today I tried several times to write and this is what came:

I feel like I have nothing to say. I can feel those of you who know me personally smiling. I know- must be two moons in the sky.

Ever have a day or a week where everything feels. . . . old, empty, meaningless? Where you want to snap the head off the waitress who tells you brightly that perhaps she brought you the noxious tasting immune boosting drink you didn’t order instead of the chocolate shake you did “because everything happens for a reason.”

Ever want to just behave badly without having to apologize or feel like you have failed to be the calm compassionate human being you claim (and some days know) is your essential nature?

Yes, I’m grumpy.

I know all the things that should, could and often do help: good nutritious food, exercise, my daily practise of meditation, prayer and writing. And I am doing them. Sort of. Most of the time.

Now, it occurs to me that if I post this as this week's blog and you are a new reader expecting or hoping for some deep wisdom or inspiration this little diatribe may send you running. Sorry, but this blog is written by a mere mortal. Some days I know life is good, but that’s not the experience I am having. I don't know how to get there from here. I am experiencing a restless, peevish (now there’s a good word,) impatient, disgruntlement.

That’s as far as I could get. Then something happened: I was scheduled to resume my one-on-one counselling work with people today. I did two ninety minute sessions with two different individuals on the phone. I’ve been working with each of them long distance for a couple of months. Although the sessions were for them- something happened for me.

I stopped feeling grumpy. My heart opened as I heard their honesty, their struggles and their hopes. I celebrated their growing self-awareness and self-care and gently challenged them to live more of who they are. I laughed with them at our shared human foibles. I mirrored some of their courage and beauty back to them. I asked questions and listened deeply to their answers. In fact, it was truly a privilege to be present with each of them for ninety minutes. I was inspired. Their lives are different than mine and yet, as so often happens when we are truly with another, we discover how connected we are. In extending myself to them and in receiving the gifts they offered to me, I reconnected to the goodness I know is life in each of us.

And where I was grumpy, now I am grateful.


  1. Dear Oriash
    Proof once again that we must teach what we have to learn. I am a diarist. I see through my decades of journalling that when I am encouraging another, I feel wonderful. Being a self help junkie, I cannot rest on my laurels, I have to do the work and walk my talk for me to really get it. Which also means accepting the lull times when my connection to spirit temporarily disappears. Part of the human condition.
    Regards Marianne

  2. I often find that when I am called on to be of service I become more gruntled, perhaps because my focus turns outward rather than being inward. And I would never dare to trust anyone who claimed they were always and only in touch with their best nature. There are many words that could be applied to such a person, but "human" isn't one.

  3. A day in the life. It is comforting when grumpy and grateful can live side by side in us, and it is okay. You say you do sessions, how would one get a session with you?

  4. I really needed this today. Thank you, Oriah!

  5. Oriah,

    You know what? You are just as awesome when you are grumpy :-) I applaud your honesty! I guess I would have dumped the contents of the stuff all over the waitress if she would have dared not bring beloved and much needed chocolate give yourself a pat on the back for behaving ;-)
    I found the most gorgeously coolio book if you need some laughs and be stunned about the simplicity of the words and the truths, it's from John C. Parkin called "F**k it, the ulitmate spiritual way" It's for one of these moments when you know that you will gag if one person more should comment that you should simply let it go and be serene. Right! One is in the middle of dumping healthy stuff over a waitress and is supposed to be calm and serene and let it go *roll eyes* *giggles*.
    You rock, no matter if you're grumpy or sharing your wisdom or whatever.

    Tons of LOVE and Giggles :-)

    Sabine :-)

  6. Sabine, sounds like a good book to have handy! :-) O

  7. as hard as it was to work some days when i felt really poor, i found that it was a gift to have my attention devoted to another, where it was put to good use, rather than on my hurting body... and at the day's end i was grateful too. Laurel

  8. Oriah,
    As a first time reader let me tell you that I'm not running away, I'm with you on getting here from there. And finding your blog today is my diamond of the day!

  9. I often get grumpy - I live in Zimbabwe and some days are very testing - but I am so grateful that I have running water, when I have electricty, I have roof over my head, and a bed to sleep on - when I am grumpy I remind myself that I have so much more than most.

  10. Thank you for being an Inspiration, of Truth and being REAL! Blessed be Oriah!!!

  11. I have never posted on anyone's blogs before. Come to think of it I don't think I've really even read a blog before. Tonight I was surfing the singles dating sights(groan) someone had your poem "the Invitation" as his profile. I was mesmerized by it and that led me to this website. I am recently divorced as well and have identified so strongly to all of your blogs. MY heart goes out to you as I truly know what it feels like and I like you am for the first time in a very long time reconnecting with myself. It is not easy as I lost me in the last 22years. Just wanted to say--I feel you and your pain.

  12. I found your blog for the first time tonight, although I've known of your work for a long time. Your description of how you were feeling grumpy made me smile - been there! Your delight in helping in people made my heart leap. Looking forward to more truth and Aha!s from future posts.

  13. I visited your blog - after long period of , well walking here and there - u know. This posting made me smile. When you cannot be with honesty or truly connected, you know what Oriah, I go home, small, but beautiful wooden home. Put fire on the fireplace and take a moment with your book. Or any other spirit.. Yesterday after being grumpy, or dissapointed towards myself, others - I finished Randy s book. It was good!
    Thank you!