tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post1491368205595368935..comments2024-03-25T15:16:59.631-04:00Comments on The Green Bough: Why Today Is DifferentOriahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-49471920336445973672012-12-09T13:07:57.758-05:002012-12-09T13:07:57.758-05:00Ranger, so sorry for your loss. Your comment helps...Ranger, so sorry for your loss. Your comment helps me see Dad's moments of lucidity as not just a curse (as they seem to cause him so much anguish) but also as moments when I can clearly tell him that I love him and be with him in a way that has meaning to him. Hard. Thank you for your thoughts of support. Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-57994207230188022242012-12-08T16:27:05.414-05:002012-12-08T16:27:05.414-05:00You put into words what I cannot and I thank you f...You put into words what I cannot and I thank you for it. My father passed 3 weeks ago from cancer. He also had dementia but still had moments of clarity. My family was "fortunate" in these moments to tell him we loved him very much. It is comforting for us to know that he was spared the anguish and suffering that advanced dementia brings. Thoughts of comfort to you on this deepfully emotional journey. Rangerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02848572057929122516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-12170559574225888942012-11-30T20:27:31.227-05:002012-11-30T20:27:31.227-05:00Pen, I am so sorry for your loss and for what your...Pen, I am so sorry for your loss and for what your dear mother went through. Thank you for writing- I take strength from knowing that you were able to do what I hope I can do for my father- to just be with him when I am able to be there, no matter what he is going through. Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-21517510567206053622012-11-30T19:35:07.644-05:002012-11-30T19:35:07.644-05:00Sending much love to you and your dear father. My...Sending much love to you and your dear father. My mother suffered multiple strokes over the last 6 years, with the last one rendering her completely immobile, with limited eyesight and no speech. She was held hostage in a body she cared for so well for the last 18 months, and each visit I had with her would leave me feeling heavy in the heart; as most of us feel when nursing, visiting and loving someone dear who is suffering something so difficult to see. I spent her last night with her recently, and it was a long and difficult night as she struggled with every breath. Your words from the Invitation carried me through "I want to know if you can sit through pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it" which I repeated like a mantra in my head as I soothed her forehead and wiped away the blood. I wanted her to know I can and I would. Today there is a great sadness at the loss of my mother, but equally the bittersweet relief that she is no longer bound by the shackles of her body. In some small way I feel your conflict, struggle and pain, and wanted to thank you for sharing your words which helped me cope with mine. Much love.pennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-63008262538899842332012-11-30T09:07:37.363-05:002012-11-30T09:07:37.363-05:00Leonie, thank you for this- it gives me hope that ...Leonie, thank you for this- it gives me hope that my father will find his own "way out" whether that is by leaving this life or finding a place of peace in his own mind. You must be very. . . . tired. May you rest deeply now that your mother is at peace. Blessings, OriahOriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-5028604270618451732012-11-29T21:53:55.159-05:002012-11-29T21:53:55.159-05:00Thank you for this beautiful, honest sharing. My m...Thank you for this beautiful, honest sharing. My mother died 2 weeks ago. She had Alzheimer's and had been living with me for the last 2 years until about 6 weeks ago. I had care givers come in to provide her care but then her increasing agitation & violence made it necessary to move her into a Alzheimer's Adult Family Home. Watching her struggle was so very difficult and yet, moments of Amazing Grace would appear. She died of a sudden, overwhelming infection. She was complete and ready. About 3 weeks before she took her last breath she looked clearly into my eyes and said... "I think I know a way out".<br /><br />I know she was facing and slaying her shadows. I also know she was not 'alone'. Blessings on your & your fathers Journey... Leonie Wolffhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12715429022168228895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-78140176288015473952012-11-29T13:12:20.170-05:002012-11-29T13:12:20.170-05:00Thank you Carol. So sorry to hear so many in your ...Thank you Carol. So sorry to hear so many in your family have suffered from this difficult disease. I neither believe nor disbelieve in past lives or karms (which, let`s face it- requires clear defining that is often lacking when folks use the word) although I worked in a mystical system that did posit multiple lives. My problem with the past life karma explanation (aside from our inability to know this) is that it`s. . . .too easy, a way to reassure ourselves that the universe is fair and meritocratic, that horrible things are doled out fairly. Aside from not knowing, I suspect part of what we have to live with is that difficult, painful and challenging things can and do happen to good people. Ah, how <br />we want it all to be `fair.`:-)Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-41968178349936513062012-11-29T12:22:17.995-05:002012-11-29T12:22:17.995-05:00So beautiful and moving. My father suffered the sa...So beautiful and moving. My father suffered the same thing, similarly, and I found it so strange (cruel, even) that of all his siblings, he, the only one to even graduate high school, much less become a physician, had Alzheimer's. Working through past life karma makes sense to me. <br /><br />As I read your post, I went back to my own experience visiting my father and how hard it was to see him unable to express himself. When he was well, he was opinionated, vociferous. The gift for me was that it put me in touch with pure love--visiting him was not about discussing events and minutae, it was about being there at a core level, a heart level. We don't often get to do that, just "be there". He passed four years ago, although he is very present in my life in many important ways. "the vastness of what I cannot know"--yes, and a concept I am going to meditate on today. Thank you for this sharing.Middle-aged Diva (Carol)https://www.blogger.com/profile/01568652518759320329noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-27338345209849860992012-11-29T11:30:46.895-05:002012-11-29T11:30:46.895-05:00Thank you Fritz- I appreciate the thought and kind...Thank you Fritz- I appreciate the thought and kindness in your comment but to answer your question re: Isn`t that all of what really matters- I would have to say, in all honesty- no. The hope that he feels loved is important but it does not distract from my hope for him to be free from the suffering that I saw on this trip- the anguish and confusion of not knowing who he is, awareness of the loss of the life he knew and loved. Love can soften the edges of suffering and I hope it does for him- but still the suffering matters and I cannot and would not stop hoping for relief for him. :-)Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-87957143172412091432012-11-29T10:09:00.751-05:002012-11-29T10:09:00.751-05:00Trust, Oriah
The "soul" does know. Your...Trust, Oriah<br /><br />The "soul" does know. Your dear father does know that you love him, that you are there. Isn't that all that really matters? Your presence is the most powerful thing you have to offer. Trust.<br /><br />Blessing and my love to you,<br /><br />Fritz Fritz Saamnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-294082636128660132012-11-29T09:18:23.870-05:002012-11-29T09:18:23.870-05:00Thank you Brenda, "a depth of tragedy" i...Thank you Brenda, "a depth of tragedy" it is indeed- and yet, part of this life we are given. Life is still good, even when it is hard.Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-53656950854814344892012-11-29T09:16:01.409-05:002012-11-29T09:16:01.409-05:00I think you're right Jesse- about love that ha...I think you're right Jesse- about love that has been there and continues reaching through somehow, on a viceral level- sometimes I know this is true, and at other time I can only hope and pray it is. And still. . . sometimes it does not feel like enough- which is only to say I must face (once again) the limitations of being human, of not being able to control some things, even when it matters so much. Thank you for your support and your insight- it helps :-) Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-72115831802784880292012-11-29T03:07:09.391-05:002012-11-29T03:07:09.391-05:00As others have shared from their love & respec...As others have shared from their love & respect of you & your past writings (like The Invitation et al), I, too, have been touched through the years by your words of invitation, challenge, inspiration & integrity. Thank you. As one who watched and was honored to be a part of watching my father as he struggled with Parkinson's, there's a depth of tragedy to watch one so vital and yet so challenged...I hold you both close in my thoughts as you face each day you are so privileged to have...and send you peaceful, loving energy to embrace what is~ Brendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14134471024083078605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-32092395301119995472012-11-29T01:50:12.423-05:002012-11-29T01:50:12.423-05:00Reading this piece, I thought of the Maya Angelou ...Reading this piece, I thought of the Maya Angelou quote: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” <br /><br />I am not suggesting this is relevant in any sort of literal way - as you point out, you do not know whether he will remember any of what he felt three minutes after you left, whether he has felt it before or if he will ever feel it again.<br /><br />But I can't help but wonder about the nature of memory. I am no Alzheimer's expert, but it would take a lot to convince me that a person's love is utterly "forgotten" the moment someone with Alzheimer's moves on to another place in their psyche.<br /><br />I'm not sure I'm expressing what I want to say well enough -- perhaps I am talking about a visceral memory, not cognitive. Not to go Pollyanna on you or anything, just that I have a very deep faith in the power of love, and the places it can reach, and reside, outside the realm of cognition -- in the conventional sense of the term, at least. <br /><br />What touched me about this story is the incredible beauty of your love for him, and how fortunate he is to have you.<br /><br />Jesse<br />Jessica Mendeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02510577042175416292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-52975870767539612782012-11-28T18:57:34.769-05:002012-11-28T18:57:34.769-05:00Sabine, that must have been so hard- and yet, I am...Sabine, that must have been so hard- and yet, I am so glad for you and your father that you were able to speak to him of it all and tell him that you loved him. Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-23914685882466203672012-11-28T18:56:36.473-05:002012-11-28T18:56:36.473-05:00Writing the story has helped me- writing really is...Writing the story has helped me- writing really is my primary way of sorting and praying. And sharing it with others is one small way I hope to make the hard stuff count, by sharing experiences that may cultivate the strength we need to live open-heartedly :-)<br />Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-8739011829959599372012-11-28T18:54:43.313-05:002012-11-28T18:54:43.313-05:00Thank you. Thank you. Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-82160771285795503782012-11-28T14:21:28.062-05:002012-11-28T14:21:28.062-05:00Blessings be to you and your father. My heart blee...Blessings be to you and your father. My heart bleeds for you both. I wish him the peace he deserves and I wish for you the continuing strength you will need to watch the downward spiral of your beloved father. Oriah, you give us so much of yourself. I hope you can take strength from the love and respect I feel for you.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15726540916578169593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-92076440777321908022012-11-28T13:55:54.166-05:002012-11-28T13:55:54.166-05:00Oriah, this is such a wonderfully written piece ab...Oriah, this is such a wonderfully written piece about the anquish of this illness, and the courage and love that carries you through it. I hope it can be shared to a wider audience. I recently turned 70 years old. Where did the years go, I wonder. I remember the cancer of my father, the asthma of my mother, and the devastation to her body that was caused my the medicine she had to take and it's effect that eventually took her life. I was with them both when they died. Sometimes living is not easy, because there are heartbreaking changes in all of us, there is loss. Sometimes I am overwhelmed. Then I read something like you piece today and I draw strength and courage. Recently, in one of my moments of prayer/contemplation, I offered thanksgiving for this long life I have had and for any days remaining. A very clear thought came into my mind "Make it count." Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-20167496363305854412012-11-28T13:18:12.264-05:002012-11-28T13:18:12.264-05:00Oriah, sending you a huge big warm hug and tons of...Oriah, sending you a huge big warm hug and tons of LOVE. Asking the angels to hug your Dad, too, and comfort him and make him feel better in "his world". I don't have any wise words to share really because there simply are no words which could make your heart ache any better. <br />When my Dad had another stroke and he lay there in the hospital bed and I didn't know if he could really hear what I'm saying and he couldn't talk and answer me, I held his hand and told him about all those memories I had of him and me. I talked about the good times and I also told him about the bad times when I felt lonely and abandondend by him. He started to cry and tried to speak but nothing came out. Tears were running down his cheeks and he clasped my hand. Our eyes locked for a moment and I told him that I love him. I guess that's all we can do, tell them how much we love them despite all the stuff that sucked sometimes. I needed to do it for ME, not only for him, to say the things I did. Maybe just talking to him will ease your pain and heartache a little bit, too. Sending you so much LOVE and fairy-beary-big-hugs xox.Sabinehttp://www.walking-with-angels.denoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-77190180712651496662012-11-28T12:32:02.830-05:002012-11-28T12:32:02.830-05:00Thank you. And yes, it is like the ground beneath ...Thank you. And yes, it is like the ground beneath our feet dissolving. Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-85985325757673753082012-11-28T12:31:07.984-05:002012-11-28T12:31:07.984-05:00One of the difficult things is that my father is v...One of the difficult things is that my father is very fit, even at 80. He has had this disease for at least 6 years and I look at him and know that he could last physically another decade. It`s then that I cannot wish for him to have more moments of lucidity when he is in agony knowing what he has lost. But it is not up to me- or anyone else- it will take its course. Good to held in other`s thoughts. <br />Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-33946801049848910322012-11-28T12:28:16.311-05:002012-11-28T12:28:16.311-05:00Ulrik, somehow having written the story and having...Ulrik, somehow having written the story and having it received and held by others does bring some ease. Thank you. Oriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13153842083329682011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-87154077932266535052012-11-28T11:03:45.575-05:002012-11-28T11:03:45.575-05:00Oh Oriah... you touched a place in me that has bee...Oh Oriah... you touched a place in me that has been dormant -- or perhaps I put it away -- while my own father struggled with Alzheimers and passed a year and a half ago. We waked him exactly one year to the day that he entered an assisted living facility only to be quickly transferred to a nursing home in an attempt to "contain" his sundowning. An extraordinarily painful year and, honestly, I thanked God for the infection that took him when it did so he didn't have to endure the pain of being robbed of his memory... something he had expressed he did not want to happen when his mind and body were healthy. Wishing you peace during this difficult time for you and your Dad. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3524364334037666877.post-35466400096820603032012-11-28T10:22:43.567-05:002012-11-28T10:22:43.567-05:00Beautiful Oriah. So touching. I have aging parents...Beautiful Oriah. So touching. I have aging parents too and although they are both lucky to still be in good physical and mental health, I am noticing the first small changes. As if something that always seemed as solid as a rock (the illusion that our parents will always be there for us and will never change) is slowly beginning to soften and to transform... <br /><br />I can only imagine how hard it must be to see your father in this state of mind and I am sending my love and heartfelt compassion to both of you! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com